Dr. Phil

In the time it takes you to read these two paragraphs, at least 10 women in America will become victims of domestic violence. Every 12 seconds in America, a woman suffers from a form of domestic violence. Whether it be psychological or physical, this is without question one of the most serious public health and criminal justice issues facing women today.

October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. Personally, I feel that since domestic violence has no regard for social or economic status, race, ethnicity, age, education, marital status or physical ability, every month should be Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. But raising awareness in October is a great start.

Please join me in becoming a Silence Breaker by donating to the campaign supporting victims of domestic violence. All the funds raised will be donated to shelters and other programs across the country that provide a safe refuge to abused women and their children. Lastly, if you are being battered or abused, GET HELP. Go to DrPhil.com where you can find important information to help you and your children. Resources can also be found at the National Network to End Domestic Violence — NNEDV.org — or you can always contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE(7233).

Domestic violence is not OK, and I ask your support in delivering this message.

Dear Blog,

Dr. Phil here. I know I’ve been a little neglectful with you. Please don’t take it personally. We’ve had some good times, and I hope to have more in the future. Maybe even by starting today. I will blame my absence on the summer heat, working on a new book and the fact that I’m still living in the Stone Age when it comes to technology. But I was assured that all I had to do was throw a few words onto a screen and someone would make sure it makes to people’s computers. So let’s give it a try.

I guess if you are reading this, then someone held up their side of the deal. I also want you to know that I’m not writing you today simply because Season 11 of the Dr. Phil show kicks off Tuesday September 11^th. Did I say Tuesday instead of Monday? Yes, I did.  Why? Because for five years in a row, FIVE YEARS I TELL YOU, FIVE!!! the U.S. Open’s final weekend has been interrupted by rain, pushing the finals to Monday, which preempts my show. Maybe I’m a slow learner, or just an incurable optimist, because I thought no way could this happen five years in a row. Wrong again. I guess my show gets the rain delay because for some reason, the rain never seems to affect my daily tennis games in Los Angeles. I’d gladly give a few of my days next year to have a dry last weekend at the U.S. Open. Well … maybe one. Let’s not get carried away.

Where was I? Oh, yes … I said I wasn’t just writing this because Season 11 is kicking off next week.  Well … maybe I am. Either way, it’s good to be back. I hope everyone had a great summer! And Mr. Sun, how about taking it down a few degrees for September? We get it. You’re the king of the sky and you’re upset about the rover on Mars. But take it out on NASA, not USA. Now let me blog a hello and a little shameless self-promotion, because I have the best team in television and they are bringing in GREAT stories.

We come out of the gate strong on Tuesday with one of the most debated topics of the year: The shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin by neighborhood-watcher George Zimmerman. We hear an exclusive Zimmerman defense that stunned our live audience. On the show will be Mark and Sondra Osterman, who, according to them, are Zimmerman’s best friends. This premiere episode sets the bar pretty high, but I’m excited to say we sure do sustain.

Later in the week, Friday, I even have the first in-depth sit-down with Trayvon’s parents, Tracy Martin and Sybrina Fulton, along with their older son, Jahvaris. They came to me seeking solace from this horrible tragedy and to learn how to move on with their lives. As a father of two boys, this episode hit me hard. While Robin and I watched this story unfold, we couldn’t help but remember all the times our boys would run down to the local 7-Eleven for candy and always return. It was a tough one for everyone to hear. This was about family.

Wednesday, I sit down with Anna Gristina, the 44-year-old mother who was arrested and accused of running a multimillion-dollar prostitution empire out of an Upper East Side apartment. She has been called the “New York Soccer Madam,” and she was anxious to tell me her side of the story, which included very little soccer. I asked the hard questions, and for the first time, you will hear what she says is the real deal. This show will make you wonder: What would you be willing to do to feed your children?

Thursday’s show is called “Top Model Intervention” and it was, without question, on the short list of most difficult interventions I have ever taken part in. I never knew how fast a model could run until I met this young lady. As you know, we air them all, the ones that work and the ones that crash and burn. We deal with the real world, which doesn’t have a soundtrack, laugh track or guaranteed happy ending by the end of the hour. Some work and some don’t, but this one has a twist  that you will NOT see coming.

The following week, we have Dina Lohan and Robert Blake. In “Robert Blake Revealed: The Man Behind the Murder Headlines,” I held nothing back with Blake, who in turn, wasn’t shy about his answers. He told me about that fateful night and his life since he was acquitted of his wife’s murder. As you know, he blew up on Piers Morgan and avoided answering any questions. I wasn’t as easy to get rid of, and he ultimately answered ALL of my questions except one — and that one had nothing to do with the murder.

I think that’s enough words for today. Now, I will try and see if these can really make it to my blog and to your computer. If they do, then I will try and post some thoughts more frequently. I’m not afraid of a little blogging here and there. Heck, I’ve become quite a little Twitter’er. Is that even a word? Who cares? You get it.  I hope you enjoy the first week of Season 11 as much as we are enjoying making the shows!

P.S. I will be on Jimmy Kimmel Tuesday night. Tune in, Jimmy is big fun and always goofing on me in some way! Fine. I will stop.

Dr. Phil

We’ve done a lot of shows about dads — absentee dads, dads who are too strict or not strict enough, and even about abusive dads.

Father’s Day is this week, and I’d like to talk about the dads who stick around. The fathers who take their share of the sleepless nights. Those who change diapers without being asked. Fathers who push the stroller and the swings, who stick bandages on skinned knees and who applaud both the kindergarten sing-alongs and the high school drama productions. All you dads who’ve thrown your arm around the shoulder of the new graduate: both of you grinning with pride.

Thanks to all of you! You are giving your children a priceless gift.

By being present — holding out love and support, establishing and maintaining rules and boundaries — you are modeling a vital part of healthy adulthood. You are giving your sons a pattern they can follow; You are showing your daughters what a healthy relationship looks like.

But for some children, their fathers are not present — a mom might be serving as both mother and father, or there may be abuse and neglect in their homes and so they’ve been removed and placed into the foster care system. For these children, having an advocate to make sure they don’t get lost in the social service system or languish in inappropriate foster homes is so important.

Robin and I have been telling you about CASA for Children. CASA for Children provides trained, compassionate Court Appointed Special Advocates who speak for abused and neglected children as they navigate the complexities of the child welfare system.

CASA for Children needs more volunteers — especially men. The children in the foster care system need someone who will keep showing up, someone who will stick by them and advocate for them until their case is settled — until the child is safe in the embrace of a loving family.

It takes 30 hours of training to become a CASA volunteer, half of that can be done online. Once you’re sworn in as an officer of the court, you’ll be assigned a case. You’ll be the voice of a child, in the courtroom and in the community. From the stories our guest bloggers tell, being a CASA volunteer is one of the most rewarding things they’ve ever done.

So this Father’s Day, I challenge you guys: are you man enough to become a CASA volunteer? Robin and I hope you’ll say, “Yes.”

Former First Lady Betty Ford was recently laid to rest beside her husband — the man she always called her boyfriend — her amazing life of 93 years having come to a peaceful end. Because many of you under the age of 40 may know little about her, I want to share with you some insight into this remarkable woman and the path she blazed for all of us.

In 1974, due to the resignation of President Richard Nixon, and after serving as vice president for only one year, Gerald Ford took over our nation’s highest office. Suddenly, Betty Ford was unexpectedly thrust into the White House and the limelight, and became known as “the accidental first lady.” As accidental as it may have been, she embraced the role like Americans had never seen before; with a candor and humanity that was unheard of at the time.

Betty used her position to become an advocate for women’s rights. Remember, the early 70s was a far more chauvinistic era than today. She will be remembered for enforcing the notion that “being ladylike does not require silence.” She spoke of the contributions of women as wives and mothers. “We have to take the ‘just’ out of the phrase, ‘just a housewife,’” she insisted.

In arguably one of the programs most candid interviews of its time, she brazenly went on 60 Minutes in 1975 and discussed the topic of premarital sex and how she would counsel her own teenage daughter. And she famously told a magazine reporter that she had sex with her husband “as often as possible.”

Presidential advisers told Gerald that she was out of control and a political liability. But — and this is what I loved about Gerald Ford — he took a stance and held his ground to support his wife, come hell or high water. It was well chronicled how he loved the way she badgered him to pass the Equal Rights Act, and the need to appoint a woman to the Supreme Court.

But it was after her years in the White House that Betty Ford made her most lasting impact. She publicly discussed her battle with breast cancer and her struggles with drugs and alcohol, bringing much-needed awareness to the then-taboo subjects.

In fact, much like the courageous people who come on the Dr. Phil show, she confronted her demons head on, including openly admitting to taking as many as 20-30 pills a day, most of them tranquilizers. She talked about missing meetings, shuffling groggily around the house in her bathrobe, forgetting conversations with her children, and even falling and cracking a rib. She spoke of the pains her addictions caused her family and of the intervention orchestrated to save her life. One week before her 60^th birthday, family, friends and a team of medical professionals gathered in the Ford’s California home and one by one told Betty how her addictions were hurting them and destroying her. “I was dying,” she said, “and everybody knew it but me.”

And remember, Betty opened this dialogue at a time when millions of women were going through the same issues suffered in silence. It may be difficult for those of you born after 1980, or even 1970, to understand that these things were just not talked about. But Betty Ford gave other women the courage to speak the truth about what was going on in their lives. When she discussed her breast cancer diagnosis, the American Cancer Society reported a 400% increase in requests for breast cancer screenings, meaning tens of thousands of women sought mammograms.

Then, she raised money to build the non-profit Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, CA that provides treatment services to those who suffer from addictions. That might be her greatest legacy. In doing so, she reduced social stigmas surrounding addiction and inspired thousands to seek much-needed treatment. Her contributions were more than name only. Well into her 80s, Betty remained actively involved at her center, regularly welcoming new residents. Once a month, she began a meeting with patients by saying, “Hello, I’m Betty Ford, and I’m an alcoholic and addict.”

An accidental first lady? I don’t think so. Her legacy was that of someone born for the role, and her outspoken courage and candor made her more of a hero than anyone could have imagined. Thank you, Mrs. Ford, for being an inspiration to women, sharing with us your remarkable life and encouraging people to continuously better themselves.

We’ve received a lot of response about last week’s show, “Heroes in Pain,” which focused on the epidemic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a condition that torments so many lives, including soldiers who’ve put their lives on the line serving our country. Some viewers expressed concern, and even disappointment, with the show’s original title, “Heroes to Monsters?” Our intent was to acknowledge the question so often cited in the media, not to make a statement, and to emphasize the severity of the pain and suffering our guests say they experience. In doing so, we unintentionally offended some of our viewers, and have therefore changed the title to more accurately reflect the show’s content.

I’m glad the show stirred so many of you to respond. Our goal is, and always will be, to call attention to the challenges our returning soldiers face, including PTSD. I really wanted you to hear firsthand the effects that PTSD can have on war heroes and their families, and I’m grateful to our guests for being so candid and honest about their experiences. I hope other media outlets will join us in talking openly about these challenges and our need as a society to respond with compassionate action. Two of my three sisters married fighter pilots (Vietnam era), and my nephew flew many missions as a Navy fighter pilot in Iraq and Afghanistan, so the lives of our veterans hits very close to home.

The stories our guests shared last week told of the realities of PTSD, and I hope, stressed the need for both awareness and treatment — not only for the veterans reliving the nightmares of what they saw in battle, but for their parents, spouses and children as well. I will never forget what our guest Beth confided about the day her son Mathew returned from Iraq. “I looked at him and became paralyzed,” she said “I just knew from his very faraway, dark look on his face that our own private war had just begun.”

It’s estimated that post-traumatic stress problems affect at least one in five veterans who’ve served in Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s especially significant among soldiers who’ve served multiple tours; many of whom are getting treatment, but others are still falling through the cracks. Here’s a figure that just stuns me: For every soldier killed on the battlefield this year, about 25 veterans are dying by their own hand.

I couldn’t be more proud of the team here at Dr. Phil for being so passionate about raising awareness and offering solutions. Over the last several years, we’ve taken on the VA and other agencies, and we’ll continue to do so. It’s critical that those who serve our country and keep us safe receive the best and most comprehensive treatment available.

For this show, we called on everyone to pay attention to this very real, typically brain injury-based disorder. And we brought in the best of the best to help shed light on treatments, including Dr. Frank Lawlis, one of the leading PTSD experts in the world. I encourage you to check out his book, The PTSD Breakthrough, and download — for free — his PTSD program, Retraining Your Thoughts, by clicking here. Both provide valuable information to help you understand how the brain works, its anatomy and how it can be fixed after a traumatic event that leads to PTSD.

I also encourage you to check out the deep and relevant resources available on DrPhil.com. It’s a disgrace that so many of our veterans are suffering, sometimes alone, the unintended consequences of their heroism. Let’s educate ourselves and work together so they suffer no more, and I personally pledge to continue to support our men and women who stand in harm’s way so that we may live in a peaceful democracy.

Today, October 12, is World Arthritis Day — a chance for us to show our concern and support for all those affected by rheumatic and musculoskeletal diseases. It’s astounding just how many of us are affected by arthritis. In the United States alone, more than 100 different types of arthritis and related conditions rob at least 50 million adults and 300,000 children of living life to its fullest. I am one of the 27 million Americans who battle a particular form of arthritis called osteoarthritis, a degenerative joint disease.

Even before I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis — and for me it’s all in the knees — I was deeply interested in the reality of chronic disorders and long-term injuries for which we have no cure; no pill, no “silver bullet” fix. A lot of my education, professional training and subsequent practice was in an area of psychology called Behavioral Medicine, a specialty in which we helped patients with such diseases and disorders as arthritis, cancer, heart disease, diseases of the central nervous system, diabetes, head and spinal diseases and disorders, chronic organic-based pain, obesity and other conditions for which there is no cure. We helped these patients learn how to cope and manage — often with very good results.

It is not always a simple answer. Chronic diseases often interact and complicate one another, which makes it really interesting sometimes. And arthritis is one of those conditions that can be greatly impacted by other disorders such as obesity. Obviously, if you have an arthritic condition and are seriously overweight, it can present challenges. By the way, if you recently heard me discussing obesity and rheumatoid arthritis (RA), another devastatingly painful form of arthritis, on Dr. Phil or The Doctors, I actually misspoke. I meant to say obesity can complicate RA, not that it can cause RA, which is, of course, an autoimmune disorder that is systemic, affecting the whole body, not only joints, but soft and connective tissues and, in some cases, organs.

I think the reason I got so interested in this subject so early in my career is because I am one of those people who believe we have to focus on the things we can control rather than anguish over the things we cannot control. Once we decide to do everything we can do to maximize our health, we become change agents in our own lives. When I met cancer patients who believed themselves to be terminal, I would always say, “Stay alive even one more day. Fight to survive even one more day, because one of those ‘one more days’ is going to bring a breakthrough, a cure, a new strategy that will make a difference.” I believed it every time I said it and I believe it now. But it costs money to do the research that discovers new treatments, and we all have to be willing to give to the causes that need funding the most.

Back in 1979, I wrote my doctoral dissertation at the University of North Texas titled Rheumatoid Arthritis: A Psychological Intervention. Clearly, the research we were excited about then is outdated, and I hope that we all take today as a reminder that there is important research to be done now. Some young researcher who’s obsessed with this subject like I was back then needs funding to find answers — and I encourage all of us to do what we can.

That’s why I am very thankful we have a day like World Arthritis Day. We need more information, more research, and far more public attention about what is happening; because this disease is not slowing down. Within 20 years, if things stay the same, without improved treatments, an estimated 67 million Americans (one in four adults) will have some form of arthritis. That is a scary forecast. For those of you looking for more information about the various forms of arthritis, especially rheumatoid arthritis, check out MyRACentral.com.  And go to WorldArthritisDay.org to show your support on World Arthritis Day.

I hope you will join me in raising awareness of arthritis.

I’m worried about kids today for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that so darn many are getting overweight and out of shape. Today, one out of three children under the age of 12 is now considered medically overweight. And the tragedy is that we know that very few of those children ever lose that weight. Seventy percent of those children will become overweight and obese adults and endure all the problems both psychological and physical that come with it. Diabetes and heart disease are exploding among the overweight and obese — so much so that experts now say the lethal effects of obesity are literally greater than cigarette smoke. Are you hearing that? Today, obesity is our number one public health issue above all others.

I lived it personally as I grew up and saw those very disorders present in family members. Both of my parents and all three of my sisters have battled obesity their entire lives. I lost my father way too early due to problems associated with being way too heavy. I have extended family members who are over 500 pounds and had a number of aunts and uncles who were over 300 pounds. I have seen the pain and loss of function it causes. I have had to watch it myself, because I have inherited conditions that make it easy to let it get away.

Which is why if you’re a parent of an overweight child, you have some work to do. It isn’t just up to the child. You are the one who buys, prepares and presents most of the food they eat, or you give them the money to buy what you don’t prepare. You can’t do it for them, but you can sure contribute to the solution!

They have learned what they “like” to eat, and what is learned can be unlearned.

I’m committed to helping you with this issue. On Friday’s show, I show you three major mistakes you can stop making today with your children when it comes to their eating. On top of that, we’ve got all kinds of tips to help you on DrPhil.com. We’ve got a lot of strategies on the Web site for those of you parents who also are overweight and out of shape. You’re not going to be able to help your kids nearly as effectively unless you become good role models for them.

I’m so committed to this endeavor; in fact, I’ve asked two people whom I deeply respect — Robert Reames, a certified strength and conditioning specialist who was the trainer for our “Ultimate Weight Loss Solution” series, and Dr. Frank Lawlis, the Chairman of our Advisory Board — to write entries for my blog that will run over the next couple of days, after Friday’s show. What they have to say will go a long way to helping you power up and start making real changes.

Meanwhile, give me your questions and comments. What’s your biggest challenge? What do you need info about to make some real changes? I promise, I’ll do my best to answer your questions.

We can do this, but it starts with one home, one life at a time. Make a commitment to give your kids a different and a very special gift this Christmas. Give them a healthy lifestyle and a chance at freedom from obesity and all the side effects that come with it. Like cousin Eddie said to Clark in Christmas Vacation when he got jerked around by getting a membership to the Jelly of the Month Club, “It’s the gift that will keep on giving.” HA! But this time, it’s true!

Listen up, all you Silence Breakers out there, it’s game time. A very vital piece of legislation that protects millions of victims of domestic violence is now before Congress, and we’ve got to make some noise to make sure it’s passed.

The legislation is called the Violence Against Women Act. It was first ushered into law in 1994 and is now up for reauthorization by Congress. I was recently invited to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee as a content expert to talk about VAWA, which funds programs that help survivors of domestic violence rebuild their shattered lives. The money from VAWA goes to building vital emergency family shelters and creating domestic abuse hotlines. It also trains police officers on how to better protect victims and prosecutors on how to establish better criminal cases that will stand up in court. And because of VAWA, these women have access to resources such as counseling, financial literacy education, gainful employment, long-term housing options and legal assistance.

In my testimony, I took great care to remind the senators just what is at stake here — every 15 seconds a woman is abused in this country. I did the math for them; during the first hour of that committee hearing alone, 228 women would be beaten, terrorized and intimidated — and by the end of day, three women would be murdered as a result of domestic violence. I also stressed the dangerous, long-term effects that domestic violence has on the more than 10 million children who will see their mothers, sisters or aunts beaten or intimidated this year, and how the violence they are having to endure will cause deeply-rooted problems, including eroding their personalities, mental health and mental fitness, resulting in a host of long-term issues, including alcoholism, drug addiction, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, to name a few.

I showed the committee those devastating before-and-after photos of women who had been on our show — beautiful, healthy looking wives and mothers who had been beaten by their husbands or boyfriends. I talked about Audrey, whose ex-husband set her on fire after she left him, and I talked about Sandra, who lost her left eye when her boyfriend found out where she was hiding and attacked her. And I talked about how difficult it’s been to prosecute men who do such acts — and that we have to keep pushing for legislation to make sure that domestic abuse is taken out of the family courts and put into the criminal justice system, or at a minimum, we create a system of sharing information from one court to the other. “Red tape in the system means that red blood will be spilled in the home,” I told the senators.

Needless to say, I also informed them about our End the Silence on Domestic Violence campaign, and I told them about the thousands of you who have signed up to become Silence Breakers, always ready and able to give your time and resources to help.

And as the hearing came to an end, I thought, Boy, we need the Silence Breakers to come through for us right now. This summer, as I’m sure you know, Congress is looking for all sorts of ways to cut the federal budget, and I’m afraid adequate funding for the Violence Against Women Act is in jeopardy. The co-chair of the committee, Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, went so far as to declare during the hearing that reviews of VAWA grants have uncovered problems with record-keeping and unallowable expenditures. “In today’s economic environment,” he said, “we cannot tolerate this level of malfeasance in federal grant programs.”

I agree with Sen. Grassley completely. We need to ensure that VAWA’s programs are held to strict accountability.  However, we need to make equally sure that we never turn our backs on women who are in crisis. And make no mistake, this crisis is getting worse, largely due to our economic downturn. Domestic violence numbers spike when people are stressed out over money. One recent report found that some 9,500 women each day cannot get the help they need. They are told there’s no room at the inn.

I worry about those 9,500 women because I know the danger they face.  As we’ve talked about many times on the show, nearly 70 percent of injuries and murders in domestic violence cases happen to women after they leave abusive relationships. It’s a phenomenon known as “separation assault.”  So they need a safe place. And if the federal government doesn’t step in with the funding, then those women are in real trouble, because right now, states and localities can’t afford to keep many of their shelters open, let alone build desperately-needed new ones.

So let’s keep active, Silence Breakers. Write to your U.S. representative and senator and let them know how important it is that they vote to re-authorize VAWA. Let’s make sure that money continues to flow into the programs that fund safe havens for those women who have made the brave decision to leave their abusive relationships.  For those of you who haven’t become a Silence Breaker and want to join our campaign, you can go here to take the pledge.

And, as always, if someone you know is an abusive relationship — or if that someone is you — we’ve got a lot of resources at DrPhil.com to help you or your friend get help.

Let’s do what we can to create a world where women feel safe. And let’s certainly make sure our daughters and granddaughters don’t grow up in a world that looks the other way or fails to react if they are the victims of violence. This epidemic cannot remain silent!

The following is a post by my wife, Robin McGraw, who has made our marriage and our growing family her priority in life. Robin’s devotion to “family first” can be seen through her dedicated work as a board member of The Dr. Phil Foundation and national spokesperson for CASA. In 2010, she became a member of the Kappa Alpha Theta Fraternity, which has donated more than $1 million to CASA over the last 20 years.

It’s been two years since I had the thrill of being initiated into the Omicron Chapter of Kappa Alpha Theta. For those of my readers who don’t know, Kappa Alpha Theta is the first Greek letter fraternity known among women — founded in 1870 — and my favorite nonprofit, CASA for Children, is Theta’s official philanthropy.

I’m still in awe of the tremendous amount of energy Theta women put into everything they do — especially their passionate support of CASA for Children.

In an interview with Theta magazine, I once said, “There are no children more disadvantaged than those who get caught up in the foster care system.” I still believe this, with one exception: The kids in the foster care system who have a CASA volunteer have a huge advantage! Those children have a caring adult matched with them one-on-one; an adult who is trained to give that child a voice and who will lift up that child’s best interests in court.

CASA volunteers are just as passionate as my Theta sisters about the work that they do. The stories I hear from young people who have “aged out of the system” start with such tragedy, but they end in victories for each child who was listened to and who made his or her way to the safety of a forever family.

That is why I am so grateful to each and every Theta. Whether my Theta sisters are still in college or university, or whether they are alumnae who, like me, haven’t been students for more than a few years, the energy these women pour into their support of CASA makes my heart soar.

My Theta sisters are about to enjoy a fun-filled, information-packed Grand Convention in Tucson. I wish I could be there with them! Since I can’t be, I’m writing this message to wish every Theta sister a whole lot of Theta love!

Please do your part to help abused and neglected children! Visit iamforthechild.org and add your voice. Thank you!

Should it be considered a crime to read your spouse’s email?

That’s what some prosecutors in Michigan believe. Relying on a legal statute typically used to prosecute crimes such as identity theft, they have charged 33-year-old Leon Walker with a felony, after he logged onto a laptop in the home he shared with his wife, Clara.

Why did Leon use her computer? According to reports, he used her password to access her Gmail account, because he suspected she was having an affair. Indeed, he found out, she was. And what did playing detective get him? A trial date this month where he could be sent to prison for up to five years. Prosecutors insist that by snooping through his wife’s email, Walker was committing a felony.

Seriously? Reading your spouse’s email is now supposedly a crime?

Well, in truth, Clara and Leon were going through divorce proceedings at the time the snooping took place last summer. Clara says she had a right to privacy, and she felt “violated“ by Leon’s actions, attempting to discover things about her new personal life.

But they were still sharing a residence, and Leon was still regularly using that very computer. According to Leon, Clara also kept all of the passwords to her accounts in a book she stored next to the computer, an allegation Clara denies, so it wasn’t as if he had to do something really underhanded to access them. Leon claims he felt obligated to look through her Gmail account because he was worried about the affair (it turned out she was having an affair with her second husband) and the effect it might have on their daughter and his stepson.

We all hate hackers who illegally try to access our private online information. Is it reasonable to consider Leon just another criminal hacker? Or does someone have a legitimate right to know about his spouse’s online activities, even while going through a divorce?

Actually, Leon’s upcoming trial could have a lot of repercussions. It’s estimated that about 45 percent of divorce cases involve some online snooping: gathering emails, reading Facebook postings, and so on. But divorces are civil cases. No one has ever heard of a criminal case getting filed because someone sneaked onto his or her spouse’s computer — until now.

I look forward to reading your comments.

For the last several weeks, we have all watched, horrified, as Japan has been devastated by one of the worst earthquakes in modern history, followed by a massive tsunami, and then culminating in plumes of radiation seeping into the atmosphere from its damaged nuclear reactors. The images of physical destruction are simply mind-boggling, and the emotional toll also seems unimaginable. This is a country that is going to be dealing with this tragedy for years to come.

Yet, do you know what astonishes me? It’s watching the people of Japan face their catastrophe with a kind of stoicism and, strangely, a grace. We haven’t seen any looting in Japan for desperately-needed supplies, like bottled water. We haven’t seen fistfights break out among the people waiting in line for hours to get gasoline or groceries. For years, I’ve heard about the legendary politeness of Japanese people in everyday life, but I just thought it was a cliché. How are they able to maintain such calm in the face of overwhelming disaster?

I’m hardly someone who thinks Japan’s way of life is in any way better than ours. But at the same time, I will say, there is something to be said for the ordinary Japanese citizen’s respect for order, good manners and hospitality. The other day, I was stunned to watch one elderly woman, standing in the cold outside her wrecked home, offer ABC anchor Diane Sawyer some water because she looked thirsty.

And what about the selflessness epitomized by those workers at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant,  risking dangerous doses of radiation without complaint as they struggle to prevent a complete meltdown that would endanger their fellow citizens?

I’m no expert in culture, and I’m not going to pretend to say I understand why the vast majority of Japanese people are enduring these impossible hardships with impeccable dignity, but we could all learn a few lessons from their example. I also hope we’ll all say a little prayer for that country. Yes, Japan is one of our great industrialized powers, and it will someday recover. But it has a long way to go. Hundreds of thousands of Japanese who live in the northern part of the country will have to endure months of homelessness and hunger.

If you want to help, you can go to the American Red Cross website and make a contribution for the victims of the earthquake and the tsunami, as well as for those families fleeing the nuclear radiation. My prayers are with Japan.

I’m a big golf fan, and on Sunday, I did what I do every year during the first weekend of April: I watched the final round of the legendary Masters golf tournament at Augusta National. Even if you’re not a fan of the sport, you may have heard about this year’s dramatic outcome, because the big story wasn’t about who was awarded the green jacket — Charl Schwartzel of South Africa — it was about who lost it.

With a four-shot lead going into the final round, Irishman Rory McIlroy was on the brink of winning one of the world’s most prestigious golf tournaments. But his game began to melt down. At one point, when he knocked his drive into a small tributary, he dropped his head on his right forearm, his body slumped in confusion and embarrassment, and by the time he stepped off the course, he had fallen to a tie for 15^th place. It was one of the greatest collapses in Masters history.

I have had the honor of playing Augusta, and let me tell you, it is an intimidating place when there is no one there except you, your buddies and the caddies. I can only imagine the pressure of having to play that course during the biggest, most pressure-packed and most-watched golf tournament in the world.

But it isn’t Rory’s collapse in the face of that pressure that I’m going to remember. It’s what the 21-year-old did off the golf course that made me take notice. Instead of throwing down his clubs and heading straight for the locker room, he saluted the huge crowd that had been behind him, tipping his hat, acknowledging the applause. Then, at a press conference, he calmly answered every question from reporters with the grace and experience of a seasoned veteran. And he later tweeted: “Congratulations Charl Schwartzel! Great player and even better guy! Very happy for him and his family!”

Never has poise been more on display than how the young golfer handled Sunday night after the tournament. Some of you may be thinking, Dr. Phil, if McIlroy had any poise he would have held onto his lead and won the tournament. But the way I see it, the measure of a man is taken when he is down. When facing complete failure, does he give up? Or does he get back up, dust himself off and try again?

Sure, this is a loss that is no doubt going to take McIlroy a while to get over. But the grace he showed in spite of that loss is a sure sign of who he is as a person — his ability to overcome adversity and get on with it. He obviously knows failure is only that: a single event in his life, not something that will define him. I’m convinced he’ll learn from this, and come back better than ever.

Once again, it’s time to share with you all the interesting, and sometimes very silly, “scientific” studies and surveys that come my way. Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of reports about what’s going on with men when it comes to love and romance. Some of these reports make me shake my head in disbelief. But I have to admit, some of them do make me wonder. What do you think?

Finally, a Reason to Get Your Man to Church

A University of Kentucky study found that spirituality has a greater effect on the sex lives of young adults — especially women — than impulsivity or alcohol. According to Jessica Burris, one of the study’s researchers, a woman who believes sexual intimacy possesses “a divine or transcendent quality” will make her want to have more sex. “Ascribing sacred qualities to sex has been positively associated with positive affective reactions to sex, frequency of sex, and number of sexual partners among university students,” Burris writes.

And if that doesn’t work, there’s always the power of prayer!

A Reason to Get Him Vacuuming

Here’s one way to close the gap on the amount of housework wives do (an average of 41.8 hours a week) versus the paltry amount done by their husbands (an average of 23.4 hours). Get this, in an online study of nearly 7,000 married couples, the Journal of Family Issues found that men who did more chores, got more sex. It seems that by mopping the floors and doing the dishes, husbands are showing a greater commitment to home and hearth. According to the researchers, this tends to be an aphrodisiac for their wives. Can you believe it? Cleanliness really could be next to godliness.

And, Are You Ready? … A Reason Real Men Should Do Yoga

According to The Journal of Sexual Medicine, yoga has been found to effectively improve sexual stamina in men. The study concluded that men who practiced yoga for one hour each day “had both subjective and statistically significant improvements” in their performance capabilities.

Needless to say, I can’t wait to hear from those of you who are able to use this study to get your husbands doing the “downward dog” yoga move. And please let me know what their faces look like when you talk to them about their performance capabilities.

A Reason Men Don’t Get Much Accomplished

A British survey released this year found that the average guy stares at around 10 different women every day for a total of 43 minutes. That adds up to 259 hours – almost 11 days — each year, making a total of 11 months and 11 days between the ages of 18 and 50.

That’s a lot of work. And it does cause some problems. More than half of those surveyed admitted they have also been left red-faced after being caught looking at women. A third of the guys have argued with their partner over their roving eye, and one in 10 confessed to splitting up with a partner because of it.

But are they going to stop? Absolutely not. About 61 percent of those surveyed said they were worried about their eyesight fading, which means they wouldn’t be able to get in their daily ogling.

I know it’s been a while since my last blog posting — I know. I know! — but I can’t resist sharing this special day with all of you. This past weekend, Robin, Jay, Erica, Jordan and I gathered friends and family to celebrate little Avery’s first birthday, and let me tell you, she had a ball!

Thank you to Mother Nature for holding off the rain, which came on Sunday. I mean, we got pounded, pouring all day with winds on the mountain up to 50 mph. So blessed we didn’t get blown away on Saturday.

What an incredible day. It’s hard to believe an entire year has gone by since that little girl came into this world and just stole my heart. Yeah, and my friends are still shaking their heads and asking what’s happened to me! HA! I admit it, she’s got me wrapped around her finger like never before — but look at her there with the cake all over her face. I know I’m biased, but is she not the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?!

I told Jay and Jordan, if I had known how great it would be to be a grandparent, I would’ve had her first.

I remember Robin telling me when Avery was born, “Honey, you are going to walk around with your heart in your hands.” And, boy, was she right. But it’s not just Avery’s cuteness and blooming personality that gets to me. There is something so moving and captivating about watching her get excited over the littlest of things, like a new stuffed toy or pulling on my mustache! If it sounds like I’m smiling as I write this, it’s because I am. We couldn’t be prouder of the parents Jay and Erica have become; watching them together is like seeing the world again through a brand-new set of eyes.

And I should mention that Robin, Uncle Jordan and I are the best babysitters you’ll ever find. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for that little girl. We are here to give her one more safe place beyond her own home with her parents. We are here to make sure she knows she’ll always have back up in an unfamiliar world. It’s an awesome responsibility. And we couldn’t be more honored to fulfill it.

Tune in Monday and you’ll see how precious little Avery is. And, Jay and Erica make a surprise announcement. I can’t wait to tell my old friends the news.

Dr. Art Markman is a guest blogger and the Annabel Irion Worsham Centennial Professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas at Austin. He is one of the premier cognitive scientists in the field and has written more than 125 papers. He is a member of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board. He blogs frequently for Psychology Today, Huffington Post and Harvard Business Review. 

For the past 5 years, I have been a member of the scientific advisory board for the Dr. Phil show, and on January 3, 2012, I had the privilege of being a guest on the show to discuss my new book Smart Thinking from Perigee Books. Before my turn came, Dr. Phil worked with a couple who was engaged in a difficult custody battle, in which their own needs took precedence to the needs of their kids. I watched as he expertly cut through the layers of animosity between the couple, and ultimately helped them see a road in which they served as co-parents to their children rather than using their kids as pawns in their own ongoing argument.

Smart work.

What made Dr. Phil so successful? Does he just have more raw intelligence than the rest of us? Or is it something else?

Based on the research I describe in Smart Thinking, I argue that no matter how well you score on an IQ test compared to Dr. Phil, you’re not going to solve problems of the type he solves unless you engage the three core principles of Smart Thinking.

Smart Thinking requires (1) developing Smart Habits to (2) acquire High Quality Knowledge, and (3) to Apply that Knowledge when you need it. Let me walk through each of these elements.

Smart Habits Most of our habits are good for us. When you drive your car, you want to be able to press the gas and the brake pedals without thinking about it. You want to follow your route to and from work or the store without having to think carefully about how to get there. You want to be able to change lanes or make a turn without thinking carefully about the steps involved in doing that successfully.

Your habit learning system is the one that allows you to develop smart habits. You learn to do something without thinking whenever there is consistency between the world and an action and you repeat that action several times. You can create a habit to press the gas and brake pedals, because the gas is always on the right and the brake is always on the left. If the pedals switched their locations every time you got in your car, you would never be able to create a habit. You can also create habits for actions that promote Smart Thinking.

High Quality Knowledge The second component to Smart Thinking is acquiring High Quality Knowledge. The most important thing to learn is information about how the world works. Psychologists call this kind of knowledge causal knowledge. Dr. Phil has dedicated years of his life to understanding human behavior and motivation. When guests come on the show, that knowledge helps him to determine how people’s actions are affecting the people around them. That was the kind of knowledge that allowed him to help the couple on the show I attended.

Without knowledge about the way things work, even people who score incredibly well on IQ tests will not solve problems effectively. I can’t speak for Dr. Phil, but I know that I have no understanding at all of how the engine in my car works. If I try to start my car in the morning and it makes a funny noise before wheezing to a stop, I can only stare at it in frustration. I have to take the car to a mechanic who really understands how my car works in order to get it fixed. My mechanic has knowledge about the world that I don’t, and so he is able to solve problems that I can’t.

Apply Your Knowledge The third aspect of Smart Thinking is Applying your Knowledge when you need it. Sometimes, you are in situations that are almost exactly like ones you have been in before. Each drive home from the grocery store is probably almost identical to past trips you have taken. In that situation, it isn’t hard to apply what you know.

Sometimes, though, it is harder to figure out whether you know anything that might help you solve a problem.

Take the case of James Dyson. In the 1970s, he noticed that as the bag of a vacuum cleaner fills up, the vacuum starts to lose suction. The dirt in the bag clogs the pores in the bag. Eventually, the vacuum won’t clean any more until the bag is emptied. Vacuum designers who wanted to improve the performance of vacuums typically tried to design more effective bags that wouldn’t clog as easily.

Dyson didn’t think about the problem as one of making a better bag. Instead, he thought broadly about the problem that a vacuum cleaner is trying to solve. He described the problem as the vacuum taking in a combination of dirt and air and having to separate the dirt from the air. Once he described the problem in this more general way, he was able to use his extensive mechanical experience.

He realized that sawmills have to solve the same problem. When logs are being milled into lumber, the large saws generate a lot of sawdust. Vacuums suck the sawdust out of the mill, where the sawdust is separated from the air using an industrial cyclone. This device uses a cone to create a spinning column of air that forces the sawdust to the sides of the cone where they slide into a receptacle. Dyson created a miniature industrial cyclone in a vacuum cleaner, and in the process developed a multi-million dollar business.

In this case, not only did Dyson know about the way sawmills work, he was able to re-describe his problem in a way that let him be reminded that his knowledge of sawmills could be used to make a more efficient vacuum.

In the end, you can become smarter — and maybe even as smart as Dr. Phil. The exercises in Smart Thinking can help put you on the path to being more effective in whatever you do.

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